Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Heart Of A Giver

It was 4 in the morning. Quickly I grabbed my phone just to ensure no notification coming in. One missed call from my dad at 3.15am. Please, not now, please. Getting a missed call or even messages at this hour was not a good sign. Not at all to me. I phoned my dad back but no answer. I was worried and panicked. I tried to call my brother. No answer as well. I even called my sisters but negative. That was when I realized it was still early in the morning. Perhaps my dad had mistakenly dialed my number. I tried to sleep afterwards but my instinct had blocked my brain to continue resting. I looked at my boys. They were still in a deep sleep so I better checked on my e-mails, WhatsApp in case there was an urgent message. Then the WhatsApp message appeared from my dad after I turned the data on. GONE..
"Hang dah makan?" Her all-time favorite question. No matter how long we have not seen each other, the tenderness I feel when I am with her has never changed. So much love was given from the day I was born and never once I heard her yelling or screaming her voice out. Such a lovely lady she was and I am so honored to write a story about her today. This is a story about Atok; my late grandmother.
I could not remember how much tears running down my cheeks since the moment I received the WhatsApp message from my dad. My grandmother had just passed away. I was in a deep sorrow and it was heartbreaking knowing that I was late, too late to be there. On March 21st, my parents went back to Penang to visit Atok after we found out that she was unwell. I wanted to go too but I told myself that I will be spending more time during Hari Raya this year in Penang. March, April, May, June; 4 months to go. Still can wait, I thought. If things are getting worst, my dad will let me know earlier. But my thought had slipped away when the news came on my phone screen. My heart was broken into pieces of regret for not making an effort to visit Atok. No one to be blamed but me and only me.

Her loss affects me emotionally even though we were physically separated all this while by a distance as she was in Penang and I am in Johor and we only met once a year but that could not change the fact that I miss her so much until now. The kind of pain inside my heart which always left me with tears whenever she came across my mind. Since I was little, a month of school holidays spent in Penang was the most awaited moments in a year! My siblings and I were so excited and we did not bother about the absence of our parents for the whole month since we knew Atok will be there. She was kind, too kind for a human. She was funny and had a very high sense of humorI love her companion, I love her cooking and I love everything about her.

I still remember after I went back from the grave, in the car I asked my dad, "Ayah rasa macam mana Tok Wan nanti lepas Atok tak ada?" Tok Wan is my grandfather; Atok's husband. My dad told me that Tok Wan must be really sad, even more depressed than us. I nodded with more tears pouring down and my dad said something which I will never ever forget;
Atok was a great person. Before she left, she sought for forgiveness from Tok Wan. Every single seconds left, she kept on reminding others to prepare the food for Tok Wan and everybody in the house since she was unable to do so. Always thinking of everyone else's even in a critical situation. Even until her very last breath, she never neglected her role as a wife and a mother and a grandmother. She is indeed a special person with full of love and kindness and I have so much respect for her due to every single thing that she gave
 Atok with baby Ikmal back in 2015

I have learned few valuable lessons from Atok;
  • Forgiving and seek for forgiveness - To some people, forgiving is easy and to seek for forgiveness is the other way round. Depending on the situation, I believe both actions are worthwhile. As for me, I will open up my heart to seek for forgiveness once I am ready to forgive at the first place. Being able to forgive people on what they have done is very difficult to me. I need time to think, to evaluate, and to heal. But when I heard about what Atok did, I was touched and alarmed. I do not know how much time left for me in this world and to waste my time controlling my ego over forgiving and to seek for forgiveness is needless. I am adamant to be a forgiver as that is the real challenge for me now. But I know I can be one because I am already a forgiver at heart =)
  • Stay contented with your role - Atok held her responsibility perfectly. She knew her role as a wife and highly concerned on her husband's welfare even though she was not fit to physically prepared the food for instance. Atok was a full-time housewife and her life was devoted to her husband since she was 14 years old. Taking care of her six children while Tok Wan was in the military and not to whine over the challenges had actually proven that nothing can beat a mother's sacrifice. I am currently playing multiple roles in my life as a servant of God, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, an employee, a friend, a house-keeper, a teacher and more to list down. It is impossible for me to be the perfect one but I will give my very best for each role. 
  • Be kind - Kindness is not an option. Being kind will give you no harm in fact it attracts more kindness in return. We can change a lot of things with kindness. Kindness allows positive outcomes and never ever doubt the impact it has in our life.

It has been almost two months after Atok passed away. She will never ever be forgotten, I swear. I pray that Allah will grant her heaven with His mercy and last but not least, I love you, Atok. Al-Fatihah..

The end. Thank you! =)

Monday, 22 May 2017

To Be Continued...

I am having this writer's block since months ago. I could not think on what to write and when to start. Being too occupied during the day had drained my brain function to start writing. The title was there but zero content thus far. I have been logged in and logged out from my blog couple of times a day but still no result. This is not good, totally not. I need to read more; in order to get rid of this writer's block. Hence, this book comes in!


I am so in love with this book!

According to Jeff Goins, reading can eliminate writer's block. Once I am done with this book, I will start writing. I will. Hope so. I am determined. So, to be continued..

The end. Thank you! =)

Sunday, 1 January 2017

A New Chapter Begins


2017 promises thousands of challenges, experiences, excitements and of course surprises to all of us. As for me, 2017 is a year for adventuring more realities; work, families and relationships. Three vital elements with different responsibilities to carry on; I believe by preparing myself with effective tools will help me to go through 2017 in a good way.

#EffectiveTools1 - Books

Reading BOOKS in the context of papers and not the paperless faceBOOK is a powerful habit which is hardly seen among us nowadays. In fact, I myself could not remember when was the last time I really read a book until The End. Having myself too attached to the gadget has actually lessen the way I perceive the world by reading books. Darling Hubby bought a few books last year and deep inside I admire his interest in different genre of books. But me, on the other side is very selective with my reading preference. No wonder Darling Hubby is very critical with his thinking which at times I wish I can be the same but yeah, that is why he compliments me. 

I want to be a better me and in order to achieve more this year, I am planning to read at least 4 books from different genre i.e. i) novel from the latest Ramlee Awang Murshid - I need something thrilling this year; ii) retail or real estate readings which highlights the important or fundamental elements of the industry; iii) business or entrepreneur kind of reading (for beginners) as I need to be equipped with more knowledge in this field by end of 2017; and iv) parenting book. I already have no. (i) and (iv) on the book shelf waiting to be read so now what I need to do is to focus on the time frame so that I can accomplish my target.

#EffectiveTools2 - Circle of Friends

Friends can be those who know you from A to Z; or those who do not really know you but still bring an impact in your life. I have different circle of friends back in my schooling and working years. I realize that my life has turned 360 degree once I become a mother. A lot of things which I enjoyed doing with my friends had to be put on hold due to my current status as a mother and a long distance hubby-wifey relationship. I never expected that I will be in this kind of situation whereby the circle of friends became much smaller and those friends who have the A to Z details about me seems more distance physically. I could not attend special occasions with my friends if Darling Hubby is not around. To bring along my precious sons out without Darling Hubby is quite burdensome and I will try to avoid taking the risks; for safety reason. 

However, I can still cherish my relationships with my friends by using social media as one of the platforms to strengthen the bond. Wishing them all happiness on their special days; comforting them with positive words; even by liking their posts on Facebook is the least that I can do but still it is the thought that countsThanks to Facebook and WhatsApp for this. Being surrounded by friends (true friends) can be such a great deal and whenever I got the chance to do so (physically or virtually); I will not let the moments go. So, appreciate your friends and never give up on thinking about them because your life is more meaningful when they are around.
    
#EffectiveTools3 - Lifestyle

I am 30 already! I am now a Master of my own self. I know myself better and with that, I am deciding to make some changes in my lifestyle this year. To begin with, let's start with the food intake. I am planning to cook on my own; to prepare for my breakfast and if possible lunch box as well. This will minimize my time thinking of what to have for lunch. Hehe.. Since Ilyas has started schooling this year, I will definitely try to equip him with Mama's cooking everyday. Thanks to the oven bought last year; I got the opportunity to experience many exciting moments of cooking! More recipes to explore here - http://bit.ly/bfcomtasty. Next, I want to have more physical activities with my boys this year. I am still learning several steps on physical fitness from Youtube and hopefully I can apply those exercises with them everyday; lighter exercise on weekdays and heavy steps during weekends. And I want to start again my walkabouts routine at work (at least 20 minutes a day). Being fit; that is my target!

Basically, food and exercise are the main things that I would like to change first. These two factors are achievable provided I am committed to what I am targeting. I want to start with small things which can bring out great results. An inspiring quotes from my Darling Hubby;
"If you can't do great things, do small things in a great way"         
                                - Mohd Hafiz bin Mohamed Esa (2016)
I guess the above are not that hard to accomplish and they are achievable. I am hoping this year will be more exciting and looking forward to the results of these #EffectiveTools! Wish me luck, guys! Welcome 2017!

The end. Thank you! =)